Its not a competition.

I think sometimes my step-children's mother thinks that she is in a competition with their father and with me.  For example, if I do anything nice for the kids she steps up and does something nice for them too.

Which, don't get me wrong, I think in the end her kids can use all the kindness they can get.  Even if her motivations are not pure, the kids are benefitting from additional kindnesses and I believe that has to be a good thing in the end.

She does not need to feel threatened by me.  I am not trying to steal her children's love and affection.  I'm not trying to do things better than her to show her up.  I'm just being myself -- and she should be herself too.  Sometimes that will mean that I will do something better, and sometimes that will mean that she will do it better .... and that is ok.  Its just life -- we are not all the best at everything we do.

Black hearts.

This past weekend my stepdaughter got married at an event to which I was uninvited and her father was only 'allowed' to attend the reception and there only as 'a regular guest'.  He wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner.  He wasn't given a tie to wear to match the rest of the family.  He wasn't asked to be in the reception line (even though both the groom's divorced parents and their new spouses were included in the reception line).  He wasn't even asked to be in a single photograph.

It was an intentionally nasty way to treat her father.  It would have been kinder to just not invite him at all rather than bringing him there in an attempt to humiliate him by his exclusion.

But how could we expect anything different from her?  Her mother is her example and role model.  And that woman holds grudges for decades.  She is so bitter and miserable that she tries to bring everyone around her down.  She has told herself and others the same lies for so many years that I think she actually believes them herself.

I feel truly sorry for both her and her mother.  I hope one day they will recognize how their anger and bitterness come from within themselves and only destroys themselves and their own relationships.  The nasty things they do to others may temporarily sting, but ultimately, they are the ones that pay the price.  Their actions corrode their hearts and blacken their souls. 

I forgive them even though they may never ask me for my forgiveness.  And I will keep praying for them to find comfort and peace so that they no longer need to lash out at others to an attempt to soothe the savage beast inside themselves.